As a parent you may know this phrase well "Are we there yet?" You know the one the kids think is funny after you've been in the car for 10 minutes into a three hour journey. Well that's my life at the moment, "Are we there yet?". Except mine isn't about a journey, oh no mine is a lot more important than that, mine means IS THE FOOTBALL SEASON HERE YET!.
My god could I be anymore bored than I am at this moment in time? I mean I don't have a football tournament to watch England fail in, I don't have an Olympics to watch with all the drug cheaters in it, and don't get me started on cricket. I know some of you love it and fair play to you for that, but me? Well unless it involves Australia I'm not going to lie it doesn't interest me. Ive tried women's football (better than I thought), Ive tried Rugby League (boring prefer union), Ive tried Wimbledon ( hard luck Andy again!!!), Ive tried boxing (Haye great cruiser weight but my nan is a better heavyweight and she has been dead for 14 years). So can you see my dilemma?
My Saturdays have been turned into, garden centres, I bloody Kea, walking around people's houses ( no I'm not a stalker, I'm selling my house), cutting the grass, which I would normally get out of by saying I didn't have time because I was going to the football, painting the fence and generally trying desperately to get 5 minutes on my own where I can. I did have a shed for this but woodworm got into it and sadly I had to knock it down, to be replaced by a plastic hut. Not my choice I may add, but that's what happens when you let the wife go shopping when your at football. She liked them so much she bought two of the bloody things. Have you tried sitting in one of those things? Don't trust me it's a nightmare, you have to prop the lid up which isn't great as everyone can see you and you end up looking like a Dalek without the top on it.
Once where the working week revolved around getting the team news, checking the table, working out how a win could propel us to safety, is now to be honest a blind mess of colours that all appear to be grey. Where is the light at the end of the tunnel? Where is the chance to put my hopes into eleven men who may brighten my otherwise dull week with a late winner or a 6-0 win. Waiting patiently in line for a burger, going home and writing my Sky Sports blog still buzzing from a win, or trying to stay positive after a defeat, I didn't realise how much I missed it until it was gone.
The transfer news has been shocking as well, there hasn't been anything of interest for weeks, no I'm not including Danny Green in this bless him we all knew it was going to happen. The annual Fabregas story is boring me now, Chelsea replacing manager after manager is boring me as well. What I need is something to stir the very pit of my soul, a shock stunner of a signing to wet the appetite for the coming season. I'm sure John Still has it somewhere, I just wish he would get on with it so as I could get excited for a bit.
My sanctuary isn't the fun it once was either as the forum has turned into talking about non stories to be honest as everyone is as bored as I am with the close season. As I look back over the past two years, the promotion season, I didn't want to end but at least I had Wembley to keep me ticking over. Last year, well if I'm honest I was glad when it was over, but now?. Hell I would sell one of the kids to see us get three points (I wouldn't honestly they would cost you too much money plus the wife is very attached to them and may not forgive me).
We have pre-season friendlies coming up but I cant get excited about those as to be fair they aren't much kop are they? Its all about the players fitness which is a great idea for them, but me? Nah I want a game that means something, I want to cheer the players onto the pitch, I want to see Robbo dancing, I want to see Josh Scott scoring in his first game, I want a bacon burger, I want the sheer joy I get when we score a goal and take three points. To see familiar faces outside the ground before and after the game, am I the only one that feels this way?
So I'll ask again 'Are we there yet?'
No? Bloody hell how much longer now!